Singer Halsey’s terrible pregnant nightmares helped inspire their dark new album ‘If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power’.
The non-binary singer welcomed their first child named Ender, with writer Alev Aydin last month after suffering three miscarriages, reports aceshowbiz.com.
In a new interview with Zane Lowe on Apple Music, Halsey shared that although they’re thrilled to finally be a mum, the album came from a “scary and horrifying” place.
“I think everyone who has heard me yearn for motherhood and yearn for this for so long, would have expected me to write the album that was full of gratitude,” Halsey said.
They added: “And instead I was like, ‘No, this s**t is so scary and so horrifying. And my body’s changing and I have no control over anything. And I do finally have this thing I want. So I wake up and fear every single day that I’m going to lose (the baby).”
Halsey said that being pregnant wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare.
They said: “Actually, I have nightmares about waking up in a pool of my own blood. That’s actually what it’s like.”
They also faced the waking nightmare of their pregnancy impacting a record label’s profitability.
“You have to call the CEO of X, Y, Z and say, ‘Hey, hi. I’m just calling to let you know, I’m pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t want you to find out on Instagram. I wanted to tell you myself, personally. It’s still business as usual over here though, don’t worry.
“Don’t worry. My personal choice isn’t going to affect your profitability or your productivity or your assembly line…’ “
The “You Should Be Sad” singer explained that the reason the album is sort of this horror theme is because this experience, in a way “has its horrors”.
The cover of the album, which was released on Friday, August 27, depicts Halsey as queen on a throne with a baby on her knee and one breast bared.
“This is a concept album about the joys and horrors of pregnancy and childbirth,” Halsey wrote in a July Instagram post about the controversial picture.
“It was very important to me that the cover art conveyed the sentiment of my journey over the past few months.”
She added: “My body has belonged to the world in many different ways the past few years, and this image is my means of reclaiming my autonomy and establishing my pride and strength as a life force for my human being.”